


The Phoenix, the Falcon, and the Eagle

by sonofthestars



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Tres Horny Girls, F/M, Gen, Julia Burnsides Lives, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Role Reversal, taz swap, there will be ships later but its not like... the main focus
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-21 19:16:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12464154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sonofthestars/pseuds/sonofthestars
Summary: "I saw all of existence all at once. I saw a dark storm, a living hunger eating it from within. But I saw a brilliant light heralded by seven birds, flying tirelessly from the storm. I saw seven birds: the Twins, the Conductor, the Protector, the Lonely Journal-Thief, the Peacekeeper, and the Nameless One."Three women, bound by circumstances out of their hands, set off to bring a wagon of supplies to a small town. It's just their luck that they end up saving the entire fucking world.





	1. Meet me in Phandalin

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the TAZswap AU by tumblr user trainwreckgenerator. Go check them out, the make neat stuff!

   The tavern Lup strolled lazily into is basically the same as any other bar in any other small, struggling town. It’s darkly lit, one small window in the door and a handful of dim oil lanterns casting shadows in the grimy room. There’s a bar along the side wall, with a bartender absentmindedly cleaning a dirty glass with an even dirtier rag. The three tables in the room are covered in a fine layer of some mysterious sticky substance, and sitting in mismatched chairs around one of these gross tables are three people she assumes are going to be her companions on whatever dumb thing she’s being hired for. Lup sneered at the dirty room, but remembered her dirty hair done into a tangled braid and her dull clothing and sat down. After all, money was money, and Lup desperately needed some new clothes. And maybe a bath.

 

   Where the dwarven woman gazed at her with open annoyance but the half-orc beside her gave Lup a friendly smile. “Are you the last one? We’ve been waiting on you for a while.”

 

   Lup gestured to the empty tavern with her palm outstretched and plopped herself into a chair, boots propped up onto the unsteady table. “You see anyone else walking in?”

 

   “I’m Julia.” She said, shrugging. Julia didn’t look so good herself, with her dark, curly hair thrown into a sloppy bun and soot covered clothes. Probably in the same boat as Lup; no home, no family, no money.

 

   “Lup.” She extended her slender arm for a handshake, which Julia firmly shook. “Charmed.”

 

   “Hecuba.” Said the stout dwarven woman. “It’s nice to-”

 

   “Gundren Rockseeker. Glad we are all best friends now, ladies. Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, can we get down to business?” The man on the other side of Hekuba grumbled with the sourest expression he could muster up. Lup, frankly, didn’t give a shit. She’d seen worse growing up.

 

   “This job is the last job you’ll ever need to take. I need you three to know that I’m only giving you this opportunity as a favour to my cousin here, and because frankly I need the help. Don’t let it get to your heads. This is an audition of sorts, I need to know you three are capable of what I need you to do.”

 

   “And what exactly would that be?” Julia asked.

 

   “Glad you asked June.”

 

   “Julia.”

 

   “Sure. I need you three to escort a wagon out of town and over to Phandalin. I assume you’d know something about that town Jessie, since you’re an orc. Your damn kind ruined the industry around there, and I’m planning to fix it. This is a supply run, basically, to get shit to the town.”

 

   “Just so you know, I’m taking this job because I need it. If I didn’t I would’ve beaten your racist ass by now. Keep your nasty ass comments to yourself, we clear?” Julia smiled, hand gripping on her rather impressive battle axe sitting in her lap.

 

   Lup raised a curious eyebrow at this sweet woman with her rustic charm and deadly smile. Not that she though Julia couldn’t handle this douche on her own, but Lup wasn’t about to sit and let this guy be an asshole. “Yeah I don’t see why I can’t just kill you now and take your money, my guy. Not so fond of how you’re talking to me and my friends here.”

 

   “Because,” Gundren said, glowering yet clearly intimidated, “Because this will be the last job you’ll ever need to take. Succeed this? You get a permanent spot to help me out, plus better pay than ten gold. There isn’t much work these days, and I pay better than you three probably deserve. Now are you ladies done complaining or are you taking the job?”

 

   They all looked at each other and shrugged in agreement, which is how Lup found herself in the back of the wagon on the way to Phandalin the next very next day. Julia steered the wagon, reins to the two oxen in her hand and a smile on her face.

 

   “Feels good to be employed again!” She said to no one in particular.

 

   “I guess.” Hecuba shrugged beside her, map in her hands. “My cousin is kind of a douche, not real thrilled to be working for him, but kids aren’t too interested in the word of Pan these days. Turn left here.”

 

   “Oh yeah, he’s a racist asshole. Small, angry, piss man. Kinda surprised he hired me at all, to be honest.”

 

   “He’s… desperate. Besides, you’re only half orc, so that’s not as bad in his eyes.”

 

   “Gross.”

 

   “Oh yeah, I hate him a lot. Don’t trust him, either. Something about him seems off.”

 

   Lup didn’t talk much during their two day trip, Julia and Hekuba chatted it up enough to keep things comfortable, and Gundren’s ugly dog kept her company enough. Mostly, she was more than ready to just get the job over with so she could afford a fucking bath for once. She couldn’t remember the last time she had a steady income.

 

   About forty miles out from Phandalin, Julia saw two dead horses in the middle of the worn down roads and motioned silently to get the attention of her two companions. As soon as she pulled the wagon over to investigate, two figures that were previously hidden in the shaded woods rushed out to attack them, and Lup glanced at the other two. Hecuba, who grabbed her warhammer and hopped out of the wagon, was ready for a fight. Julia, however, shoot Lup a hesitant look that was met with a shrug. When Hecuba swung her hammer at the charging gerblins and missed, she cursed loudly and stretched her hand out instead, which released some sort of cloud of gas that hits the closest gerblin and nearly killed him. Lup finished the job off easily with a reliable Fire Bolt, and grimaced as the charred body hit the ground. 

 

   Julia cheered from the wagon and shouted “Should I kill the other one? I’m gunna kill the other one!” She grabbed her battleaxe (which honestly confused Lup a bit, since Julia was a rogue, but if Julia wanted to use something so clunky then who was she to judge?) and jumped to slice the second gerblin right down the middle, which obviously killed him. She turned back to grin at Lup and Hecuba who had climbed back onto the wagon. “Holy shit, did y’all see that? Dude, I’m badass!”

 

   A third gerblin popped out of the shadows and wailed a little bit over his lost companions as he fumbled to take out his short bow and equip a flaming arrow to it. He took aim at Lup, who cursed, but the arrow missed and caught the wagon of fire instead.

 

   “FUCK!” Hecuba yelled at the same time Lup says “Well there goes our ten gold each.”

 

   Hecuba jumped off the wagon to chase down the gerblin who fled immediately afterwards, and threw her warhammer after him. They heard a loud cry of pain and then a thud of a body hitting the ground. Hecuba threw her hands up in victory and let out a loud cheer.

 

   “Good job, Hecuba!” Julia turns back from the gerblin she butchered to the wagon that Lup sits on and placed her hands on her hips. “Lup, you’re a wizard, right? Maybe you should put out the fire?”

 

   “Oh. Right, yeah. Uh, hang on…” She put out the fire which was… not as fun as lighting things on fire, but Lup guessed that gold might be probably more important than watching pretty flames engulf the wagon. To make matters worse, Lup could only search one corpse for anything of value since the other two were either charred or lost somewhere in the forest. She snatched up twenty pieces of gold from the halved corpse, which were now covered in still-warm blood.

 

   “Don’t you think we should split that up?” Asked Julia.

 

   “Yeah, how about you let me hold onto that, y’know, since I’m a holy woman. You can trust me!” Said Hecuba.

 

   “Nuh-uh, I’m afraid that wont’t work my dear dwarvin friend. I’m going with Julia on this one, we each get six pieces of gold and the rest we can split up later if we find more money. Hey Juju, you wanna check on those horses? See if they’re Gundren’s and uh… the other one. What’s that fools name?”

 

   “Kravitz,” said Julia as she inspected the holes that arrows clearly put in the horse corpses.

 

   “Right… Crave-tits.” Lup tried to think of where she’s heard that name before, but couldn’t quite place it. For some reason unknown to her, that made her sad. She plucked up the shitty short bow and quiver of arrows from the same dead gerblin she took the money from earlier to make herself feel better.

 

   Hecuba had strolled into the forest to retrieve her warhammer, so Lup sat on the slightly burnt wagon and watched as Julia looked through the empty containers that littered the area around the horse.

 

   “Not trying to intrude,” Julia spoke through the silence, “but why did you take this job, Lup?”

 

   Lup laughed with no real joy behind it. “You’ve seen my clothes, darling, can you not figure it out on your own? Economy’s in the shitter and I need gold. What about you?”

 

   “Pretty much the same, I guess.” Lup recognized women like Julia. Women who had lost a great deal and have persevered through more than they deserved to. Lup decided not to press further and instead fell silent.

 

   Hecuba joined a minute or two later, warhammer strapped to her back, and helped Julia search the containers. They found something that belonged to Gundren, a cylinder container that he had held tightly onto at the tavern, and the three looked at each other solemnly.

 

   “I knew that dumb fucker was gunna get us into some shit,” said Hecuba. “Now what?”

 

   “Now we follow that trail.” Lup pointed at the ground where the grass was flattened and coated in some blood. “Looks like they were drug off.”

 

   “I agree, but should we, like… Hide the wagon? I mean it’s full of stuff and leaving it seems kinda stupid.” Julia spoke as she wiped horse blood off her hands and onto her pants, much to Lup’s disgust.

 

   Lup shrugged. “Let’s hide this bad boy and come back for it later! If we can’t find Gundren and Crave-tits-”

 

   “Kravtiz”

 

   “Yes. If we can’t find them, then we can split all the stuff up later and part ways. If we find them then we can demand a raise for saving their lives. It seems like a win-win to me.”

 

   “Sounds good to me. And if something happens to Gundren after he pays us… Well, we can still split this shit up afterwards, right?” Asked Hecuba.

 

   “My dear, I think we have a plan.”

 

   They hid the wagon in a particularly tall patch of brush, tied the oxen up a little bit away from their hidden spot, and headed off down the trail. It led them to a beautiful shallow stream bubbling out of a cave, and since none of them felt any sort of rush to help their employer, the three women stopped to wash of some of the dirt and grime off their bodies and sprawled afterwards in the grass to dry off and enjoy some snacks. The three remained silent, which Lup was more than fine with, and entered the dark cave where the trail continued into darkness.

 

   “I don’t mean to complain, but I can’t see.” Said Julia.

 

   “Let me see your axe, I got a bitchin’ idea.” When Lup is handed the battleaxe, she casted Light onto it and handed it back to Julia with a smile.

 

   “Sick.” She said. “Thanks!”  

 

   As they continued further into the large cave, they heard the sound of metal being moved around in the direction of something akin to a hallway. Lup continued forward without really thinking, and Julia called out for her to wait up. The sound echoed off the sides of the cave and awoke a swarm of bats who flew out in a panic.

 

   Lup laughed. “Did you mean to let people know we’re here, Juju?”

 

   “Fuck. Not really, no.”

 

   “You kids are gunna get us killed, you know that?” Hecuba complained as she waddled up to join them.

 

   The first thing they noticed as they walk into the room are beautiful rocks that grew in groups on all sides of the cave. The second thing the three noticed were metal rods with huge, intimidating wolves chained to them.

 

   Julia let out a soft cooing noise and walked towards them slowly, hands outstretched. The wolves cocked their head at her and one began to growl, fur bristled at the intruders. Julia backed up, and searched through a bag of hers, and made a small, satisfied noise as she found a bag of beef jerky. The wolves stop growling and instead wagged their tails and rushed as close to Julia as they could get. She feed them the jerky and laughed when they quickly gobbled it all up.

 

   “See? We’re all friends here, doggos.” The wolves all panted happily, and allowed her to pet them.

 

   “Holy shit, I was just gunna cast Animal Friendship, but it seems like Snow White has this shit covered.” Hecuba laughed loudly and moved to join a crouched Julia who busy was rubbing one wolf’s stomach.

 

   “I think- hey, didn’t we leave Gundren’s dog behind? Did we tie her up?  I don’t think we did,” said Lup, who also joined to pet the wolves.

 

   “Oh well.” Said Hecuba with a shrug.

 

   Julia stood and the wolves whined without her petting them. “Sorry, doggos, but we have an adventure to continue.”

 

   They walked down further down the cave, which got dimmer the further from the mouth they got, and into area that housed a small stream and what looked like a collapsed passageway.

 

   “Hey, you two see the bridge up there, right?” Asked Hecuba. “I bet that weird chimney would’ve gotten us up there.”

 

   “What weird chimney?” Asked Julia.

 

   “You know, the one in the part with the wolves? Were you not paying attention?”

 

   “Not really, there were dogs so I was a little distracted.”

 

   Lup looked at the bridge and barely made out a figure sitting on the bridge. “Hey guys, put on your best smiles, I’m gunna- Hey there! You! On the bridge? Hello!”

 

   The figure yelled back down “Who’s there?”

 

   “Hello! I’m Lup, these are my friends Julia and Hecuba. Nice to meet you!”

 

   “Why are you here?” The gerblin shifted to where the three could see him a bit better. “I don’t know you three.”

 

   After Hecuba casted a successful Charm Person spell under her breath, just loud enough for Lup to hear, Lup yelled back “Sorry, we were adventuring and got a little lost! We don’t mean any harm, just wondering where we are.”

 

   “Oh! That makes sense.  Don’t apologize, you three seem friendly. You’re in our hideout, actually, which you really shouldn’t be in, but… I think I can let it slide, you three are sweet women.”

 

   “Thank you!” Said Julia with a smile. Lup is happy to let her take over the talking, Julia had more of a rustic charm to her that was sure to win the mysterious figure over even more. “Hey, we lost our friend- well, he’s not really our friend. He employed us, actually, and he was quite mean to ,e, but we lost him. We found his horses outside the cave, do you know where he is?”

 

   “Oh, yeah! We did that. Sorry miss, but are you three on his side?”

 

   Hecuba spoke up with her best preacher voice. “I am a follower of Pan, my dear friends here are struggling with poverty and I doing my best to help them get an honest job. Really, we would just like to ask him a few questions now that we know he’s been bothering you. I’m quite sorry about that, by the way.”

 

   “It’s fine. Hey, have I mentioned how nice you three are? Look, let me help you, follow me.” And he disappeared for a moment before he reappeared in front of them from a previously hidden ladder. With a smile on his face, the gerblin gestured deeper down the cave. “Let’s go! I’ll introduce you to my co-workers.”

 

   “Well,” Julia says, grabbing Lup and Hekuba’s hands. “Here goes nothing.”


	2. High Adventure!

The three women walked silently behind the gerblin hand-in-hand underneath the bridge and toward another part of the cave.

“Seems a little unnecessary to have so many parts to the cave,” Hecuba said, who had to speed walk to keep up with everyone.

“You’re right,” Said the gerblin. “But it’s not like- you know? We didn’t make the cave, we didn’t grow it ourselves. We take what we can get.”

“That’s fair,” She responded with a shrug. “So how many friends you got down there?”

“Two are on standby right now with one of our captives.”

“Cool. Cool, cool, cool. So they’re friendly, right? Like they won’t attack us? Cause I got some weed in my fanny pack if they need a bit of mellowing out.”

“Oh shit, I have weed, too.” Lup said.

“You three are a riot, did y’all know that? I like you guys. Oh, here are my coworkers! Sorry about your friend, it’s just business. Hey guys, these ladies are cool.”

“Hail and well met, y’all!” Julia said with a gentle smile and her rustic charm laid thick. “We’re here to talk to Gundren and then leave, would that be alright? We really don’t want to bother you gentlemen from your work.” 

One of the gerblins rose from his position beside the chained up figure of Kravitz and eyed them all warily. “Are you sure they’re trustworthy?” He asked the gerblin who led them in.

“Yeah! They’re real sweet. We can trust them.”

“Hey, uh, I know we’re here for Gundren,” Lup leaned on her umbrella lazily as she spoke “But, we kinda need our boy here. The chained up one? He’s a… friend. Not involved in whatever it is you guys need Gundren for.”

“Hmm… What’s in it for me? I’m not going to just give this guy up to have him run to the police. What can you three do for me, hm?”

“Uh… We got weed?” Hecuba chimed in.

“No, no, I have a better idea. Ladies, I have a proposition for you. I will let you leave this cave, with your Kravtiz, alive and unharmed, if you do me one small favor. I want you to depose our current employer, whose name is Klaarg. I want you to help me help you help me. I need you to murder Klaarg for me. And I know you're wondering, 'What's in it for me?' I've already told you this. It is Kravitz. I will give you Kravitz alive and well.” 

“Well that sounds-” Julia cut herself off before continuing. “I feel rude, we haven’t introduced ourselves. I’m Julia, and these are my friends Hecuba and Lup. What’s your name?”

“Yeemick,” The gerblin said with a grin. 

“It’s nice to meet you Yeemick! So why do want us to, uh… dispose of Klaarg?”

“Well, let’s just call him a new hire. Not all of us here in this institution are fans of Klaarg.”

The gerblin who stood silently beside them nodded with a dopey smile on his face. “Yeah, fuck that guy!”

Kravitz let out a small moan of pain from the ground and rolled over, half conscious. He looked awful with a bloodied nose and a split lip. His eyes fluttered open for a moment, and Lup was again struck with a flash of familiarity, but the moment was lost when Yeemick spoke again.

“If you do choose not to take up my offer, however, I’ll kill him. So what’ll it be ladies?”

“Getting real tired of men pushing us into shitty jobs.” Muttered Hecuba before she spoke up louder “Sounds good to me, what about you two?”

“Sure,” Julia said as Lup shrugged. 

Yeemick clapped his hands loudly. “Alright! Klaarg should be with his wolves, do you three know where they are?”

“Yeah! I fed them jerky,” Julia said, chest puffed out in pride.

“Then you three can go now.” Yeemick turned his back on them and continued to eat.

Lup, Hecuba, and Julia followed their footsteps back out past the bridge and toward the wolves.

“So… I don’t know about you two, but I’m not killing anyone,” Lup said. “Like, that’s a no-no. This extends to you assholes; if either of you murder? I am taking Kravvy and Rockfucker and I am leaving you two here to the literal wolves.”

“I get it Lup, I don’t wanna kill either, but like… didn’t we just kill three gerblins before we came in here?”

“Yeah, but they were attacking us. This is a death we can prevent, we can lie to Klaarg and get him to play along and then we grab Rockman and what’s-his-face and get the fuck out of here. If they want to kill people they can do it themselves, yeah?”

“I swear to Pan above that if I have to deal with another man telling me what to do I’m lighting a bowl and letting you two deal with this on your own, I’m getting way too old for this.” Hecuba furrowed her brows for a second. “Actually, I might just light one anyways.”

“What a plan, hippie grandma! Sounds good to me, let’s just light a bowl and then when we can be in perfect condition to go tell this guy that his coworkers want to kill him. Sound good Julia?” 

“Uh-”

“That was a rhetorical question, we aren’t getting stoned before we carry out this half-baked plan. Pun one-hundered fucking percent intended. Look, we are smart women, we need to come up with a plan to get those boys back because whether or not we care about them? We cannot knowingly and willingly let them die without at least trying to rescue them.”

Julia rubbed her scarred arms and stopped outside of the cave designated to Klaarg and his wolves. “Alright, then. What’s the game plan y’all?”

“Can’t we just tell Klaarg what’s going on? We can get him on our side and then grab Gundren and Kravitz and get out of here before anyone notices.” Hecuba suggested, obviously annoyed at how overcomplicated this mission had become. 

Lup nodded, umbra staff clutched tightly in her hand, and lead the way into the cave where Klaarg had returned and ate beside a fire. His wolves perked up upon their recognition of Julia and rushed to tackle her in a pile of kisses and wagging tails. Julia laughed as she petted them, but Klaarg looked mostly confused as he stood to stare at his new company. 

“Who are you three?” He asked. “What are you doing here in my cave?”

“Hail and well met, my dude!” Lup greeted. “I’m Lup, this is my friend Hecuba, and the one covered in your wolves is Julia. We have some news from one of your coworkers, Yameeck?” 

“Yeemick,” Hecuba gently corrected. “Look, we aren’t here to hurt you, but we do have information that could quite literally save your life. I know you don’t have a reason to trust us, but I think Lup can convince you,”

Lup, after being elbowed roughly in the thigh, muttered a quiet Charm Person spell. “Yeah we are good people I’d like to think. I mean, your wolves trust us, just look at Julia!”

Julia’s head snapped up at the mention of her name and she gave a big, toothy grin. “I fed them beef jerky!”

Klaarg furrowed his brows, his eyes glazed slightly. “I mean, that makes sense. I think I can trust you three. So what’s up?”

“Well,” Lup was quick to come up with a clever lie. “Yeemick has reason to believe that one of your, uh, coworkers would like to have you killed. He wants you to help us get Gundren and Kravtiz out of here so that there aren’t any witnesses when you guys find out who it is. Now, the thing is, uh… We think Yeemick might get possessed by the assassin and try to kill you himself and that would be a problem, obviously, since Yeemick is trying to protect you and all that fun shit. So! The plan is we sneak into their part of the cave and either me or Hecuba will do some sort of fun magic stuff to grab Kravitz and get us in and out of there safely. Then we get Gundren, we will head out, and you and Yeemick can find out who the mole is and deal with him however you’d like to. Sound good?”

Klaarg blinked slowly at her. “I guess? I didn’t really follow.”

“Just follow us and help us move Kravitz out of the room,” said Hecuba. “Julia, dear, we need to get going.”

Julia frowned and kissed the nose of the nearest wolf. “Awh, okay… Goodbye, good boys!”

They made their way back over to Yeemick and the other three gerblins; Julia whispered a story of her old dog to a very dazed and dopey Klaarg while Hecuba casted Pass without Trace on the four of them as well as a still unconscious Kravitz. Lup gritted her teeth and wondered in static frustration why she couldn’t remember how she knew him, why she felt so happy at finally seeing him again. Her head throbbed as Lup tried to analyse that thought, but it left as quick as it came. They crept into the cave and watched Yeemick and his companions in silence as Klaarg picked up Kravitz.

Julia tugged on Lup’s hand, tears in her eyes, and lifted her other hand to wipe away tears that Lup didn’t realize had spilled down her cheeks. Hecuba grimaced and looked at the two of them with wet lashes and one finger pressed to her lips. The three of the followed Klaarg out of the cave, hearts hurt in ways that none of them were able to parse at seeing this stranger in so much pain.

The second they were out of earshot Hecuba casted Heal Wounds on Kravitz, who blinked his eyes open moments later. He stared at them and asked in a heavily accented voice so familiar that the three cried silently again, “Why are you crying? Who are you three?” 

Lup choked out a wet, tearful laugh. “You and that fake accent, huh?”

“Lup?” He asked, eyes impossibly wide and full of unexplainable emotion. “Lup, you remember? I was told none of you would know me, I don’t… I don’t understand.”

Lup rubbed her temples where the early pressure of a migraine pushed behind her eyes. “No, I don’t… I don’t know you? I don’t… how did I know your accent was fake? Who are you?”

Klaarg cleared his throat and set down Kravitz gently. “So what’s the plan now, ladies?”

Julia laid her strong hand gently on Klaarg’s arm and gave a gentle smile. She poured on her small town charm much like honey; that is to say, it dripped slowly with sincere sweetness. “You’ve done so much for us already, but I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask for one more favour. Is that okay, dear?”

“Damn, that girl really knows how to lay it on thick, huh?” Hecuba whispered to Lup and Kravitz. 

“She’s always been good at that.” Said Kravitz. “I don’t… I don’t know why I know that…”

Klaarg stared at Julia and then towards Lup and Hecuba as if they hung the stars in the sky, still deeply charmed. “Of course! Would you three like some oolong tea first?”

Julia laughed. “No, but thanks anyways! We just need to know where Gundren is.”

“He’s with our employer, the Black Spider,” Klaarg frowned. “I don’t know where they are though. Are you sure you don’t want any oolong tea?”

“No, no, that’s fine. We need to be going, though, but thank you so much for all you’ve done!” Julia grabbed Lup by the arm and waved at Klaarg with her free hand. “See you around!”

Julia pulled Lup towards the exit of the large cave, Kravitz and Hecuba followed behind them closely. Once they were out, Julia untied the two bored looking oxen and somehow got them to pull the wagon out from its hidden spot in the brush. She picked up her companions one at a time and set them in the wagon in a rush, with Julia being the last in. She grabbed the reigns to the ox and forced them to gallop back the way they came from Phandalin. 

“Julia, what the fuck is your problem?” Lup asked, her braided hair now loose and messed up. 

“Y’all ever heard of a pocket workshop?” As she said that, the group heard the unmistakable sound of a very angry bugbear yelling out unintelligible words. 

“No?” Said Hecuba.

“Well it’s like a tiny workshop that can hold a lot of stuff in it, sometimes even people. I have one, it was my husband’s. I, uh… I might’ve stolen a dog or two?”

Hecuba laughed loudly and Lup fixed her hair, annoyed. Kravitz, however, patted the pockets of his tattered suit and cursed. 

“What’s up, Kravvy boy?” Lup asked.

Kravitz visibly flinched and glared at her. “Don’t call me that- that, that’s not… You’re not the one to call me that, I don’t think.”

Lup glanced at Hecuba and twirled her finger by her head in a universal “he’s crazy” sign. Kravitz sighed and continued talking, his previous cockney accent slipped into something more organic and deep. “I had this coin to tell me what I needed to do, but I think they took it from me.”

“You let a coin tell you what to do?” Lup teased. 

Kravitz sighed. “I mean, it’s a recording from me. I just don’t remember recording it for some reason. Look, uh, Julia, right?”

“That’s me!” She called back over her shoulder.

“I’ve got a room in the inn and-”

“Not interested.”

“No I’m not, holy shit, I’m not hitting on you. I just mean I know how to track Gundren, but I need some supplies from my room to do so.”

“Oh… Well! I’ll just head back towards Phandalin and then you can direct me from there.”

“Alright, that’s fair. In the meantime I need to ask, Lup how did you know my accent was fake?”

Lup tried to think, but her brain felt like it had been stuffed full of cotton and the memory- was it even a memory? - felt like it had danced just on the tip of her tongue before it dove back into some hidden corner of her mind. “It just sounded fake. And dumb.” Not her best insult by any stretch, but it was the only one she could settle on. 

He watched her with intense red eyes, brows furrowed as if he had the same problem Lup had seconds ago. 

“Something fucky is going on,” Hecuba said from her spot beside Kravitz, who startled out of his gaze and ran his fingers through his long, dreaded hair. 

“Look, we need to find Gundren, get the-” His voice turned to static as he spoke. He explained things in pieces that they had to get something and that if they found whatever it was then they’d find… someone. That Lup should be overjoyed to get back her… something. That they needed to get somewhere and talk to someone about something. He stopped talking when he took in the expressions of Lup and Hecuba. “What?”

“You sound funny, my dude.” Lup said, hands gripped tightly to the handle of her umbra staff.

“Yeah, I wasn’t sure if that was some sort of weird-ass side effect to the shrooms I took yesterday or if you guys heard it, too.” Hecuba said.

“Look, just. I need you three to trust me, okay? I was told you have to trust me; that I’m here to fix things. We have to find a magic item that’s locked up. Only Gundren and his family members can open up the vault due to the protections. If I can just get to the inn and grab some supplies, then we can go find Gundren and get to the vault and open it up.”

“My cousin has a magical item locked up?” Asked Hecuba. 

“He’s your cousin?” asked Kravitz. 

“Yeah, but he’s kinda shitty. We’re really only doing this for money.” She shrugged.

“Perfect, we don’t even need him then. He has a map that shows the way to the vault, but it needs the blood of him or one of the family members. We can get the map, go get the item, and meet with someone.”

“Meet with who?” Lup threaded her fingers through her now unbraided and untangled hair. 

Kravitz stared at her, his dark face turning hot and warm in a way that was utterly familiar and warm. “You look like him.”

“Who?” Lup asked, grabbing her long hair to put into a loose top bun.

Kravitz shook his head. “I don’t remember. An ex, maybe?”

“That’s rough, buddy.” She shrugged.

Kravitz coughed in embarrassment and turned to speak to the driver of the wagon, who sung under her breath. “Would you please turn down here, Julia?” 

“Sure! You’re pretty much in charge of this metaphorical train so just lead the way, conductor Kravitz.” 

Hecuba let out a low groan. “Anyone else have a headache?”

“Me,” All of them said in unison. 

“Left up ahead, and then we’re the second building on the right.” Kravitz said. 

Julia parked next to the old inn, which was quaint in its own way, and Kravitz hopped out of the wagon to get his stuff. He walked with a sort of awkward grace, like someone who was raised to be important but deeply detested the role he was meant to fill. Hecuba felt a kinship to him, having herself rejected the life that she was expected to have, but Julia just felt overwhelming pity for him. Kravitz returned a silent thirty minutes later, sheepish and cleaned up. Now, without tattered clothes and a dirty face, the three girls were struck by his appearance. He was still tall and uncomfortable, a bag close held to his chest as if he was scared it would disappear if it wasn’t tight against him, but he was strikingly handsome with his high cheekbones and full lips and deep complexion. 

Hecuba held her hand out to take the bag from Kravitz, a polite gesture that ended with her finger pricked and bleeding on a sheet of paper. 

“What the hell?” She asked, hand recoiled.

“Sorry, I- I thought you knew…? I didn’t think you were asking for the bag, I thought you knew about the map.” He stammered out. 

And as Hecuba looked at the map, she watched in a horrified awe as the blood spread across the paper and formed a map toward Wave Echo Cave in the Sword Mountains. She muttered something under her breath and handed it off to Julia, who took a glace and began to lead the oxen out of town. The group stayed quiet throughout the ride to yet another cave, each deep in their own thoughts. 

They walked in, still silent except for the sound of distant waves that echoed against the cave walls. Hecuba flinched violently after she stumbled over the body of one of her cousins. Julia grimaced in sympathy and held the older woman tight in comfort, but Lup glared at the noises in the distance, her umbra staff held at the ready. 

“Uh… I think this might be a problem,” Kravitz gazed upwards at the large, gelatinous, black goo that hung precariously from the ceiling of the cave. Spores from the fungi on the cave walls wafted into the air just as he spoke, and suddenly the blob began to fall onto him. 

The three women worked quick and efficient; Hecuba shoved Kravitz out from under the goo, Julia sliced it in half, and Lup froze it solid. The jellies split apart and jiggled towards them, one of which is filled up with a mysterious mass and the other eager to do the same. Julia and Lup made quick work of jellies, but it was Hecuba that struck the final blow on the last gelatinous blob. She cried out in anguish as the body of another cousin fell out. 

“I grew up with Tharden and Nundro practically being my brothers!” Hecuba mourned, her hand gripped tight in Julia’s. “I’m going to kill Gundren when I see him, I swear to god!”

“Hey guys, not to be an asshole and ruin the moment, but I found a key,” Lup held up the key to what she assumed went with to nearby elevator. She kept silent about looting the Dwarvian man’s body to find the key in the first place since she figured that Hecuba would probably be none too happy. “Onwards we go, I guess.”

Hecuba sighed loudly and walked over to Lup. “I don’t like this one fucking bit.”

After they got off the elevator, they followed the path around a bubbling stream, and to a large and (thankfully) unlocked iron door. It lead them into a carved out tunnel, a relic of times that were economically sound- of times that the mining industry flourished. 

“So how’s everyone doing on this adventure?” Julia asked as they walked down the long tunnel. “Anyone wanna chat about how they’re feeling?”

“Absolutely not,” Lup trailed behind them lazily. 

“I do!” Hecuba said with a huff.

“I know,” Julia responded.

“I hate this!”

“I know.”

The room at the end of the tunnel was circular with a sturdy grate floor that supported mining equipment, but the real feature of the room was a grinding machine that was probably used to get ore and things out of rocks. A wooden ledge encircled the cave high up above them, with a ladder opposite of where the four adventurers stood that could take them all the way up onto the ledge and to the only other door leading out of the room. A young orc woman kicked the door open as if she had waited for them with a large crossbow in her hands.

She blinked quizzically once, twice, and breathed out “Ah, shit.” 

“Hail and well met, my dude,” Lup waved up at her.

“Just. Shh, give me- shh! Sorry, just give me one second I’m trying to… Uhh… I’m trying to figure this out. I’m just- I just can’t understand why other people would be here, I’m trying to figure out whether to just kill you guys right away, I don’t have a lot of time, um… I don’t- I don’t like collateral damage, I’m not- it doesn’t reflect upon me very well. I’m just trying to crack the, uhh… crack the code of how other people could be… here… I’m going to ask you guys a question, you seem like good people and, uh… Depending on your answer to this question? It’s gunna decide, I guess, what happens next. Are you here for the-” Her voice turns to static.

“I think you have something caught in your throat, do you need something to drink?” Julia called up, somehow managing not to sound rude or sarcastic. 

“No, I asked if you’re here for the-” The orc woman tried again, but her voice turned static just like before. 

“All I’m hearing is static, dear,” Hecuba said. 

“Okay, so you’re not here for the [VOID] and that’s great news for me, but I cannot have you guys getting in my way, so here’s my solution, and I think you’re gunna find it very equitable: I’m not going to shoot you with this giant crossbow, but instead I’m-”

“Wait,” Kravitz stepped forward past Lup, Julia, and Hecuba. “How do you know about the [VOID]?”

“How do you know about it?” Killian raised her crossbow to point it at Kravitz. 

“I was sent to retrieve it by [VOID], and I believe we both are working for him. Am I correct?”

Killian shifted in her spot, crossbow still held high. “Where’s your bracer?”

“I do undercover work to get information from the [VOID]” He explained while his companions stared on in confusion. “These three here are recruits, they haven’t been inoculated. Think of this as their test, orders from [VOID] himself.”

Killian stared at him long and hard before she lowered her crossbow and jerked her head towards the ladder that led up to where she stood. “Here, you can follow me, okay? Just… don’t get in my way too much, okay?”

Kravitz agreed to her offer and walked across the room and up the ladder, the three very confused women followed behind him.

“So… What the fuck?” Lup hit Kravitz lightly on the arm with her umbra staff. 

“Just trust me, okay? It’s something the coin told me about. [VOID] didn’t do a good job of [VOID], so I still remember a few things.”

“That made no fucking sense, but I need money. Like, you two understand I’m literally just here so I can get paid and get out of here, right?” Lup hollered up, last to climb the ladder. 

“I think we might not get that money, Lup,” Julia, who was directly above her on the ladder, said gently.

They silently entered a room where a tall, darkly dressed elven man stood with his back turned away from them. He spoke too quiet to hear to Gundren, who was tied up clear as day. Killian, who was crouched down on the floor to get a better angle, lifted her bow and shot twice at the elf, who went down without much fanfair and a solid thud to ground. Gundren looked around the room, panicked, and struggled against his bonds. Killian reloaded her crossbow and raised it again. The arrow shot out almost completely silent and killed Gundren instantly. She stood and brushed herself off.

“Well! I think you and I should probably talk about how to reclaim this [VOID] now, shouldn’t we?” Killlian asked, turned to face Kravitz who nodded and talked with her about the strange item..

Lup strayed from where they were talking to look around the room, avoiding the fresh corpses with all the distain in her eyes that she could muster. There was large iron door the stood imposingly over them, taller than it needed to be and with no obvious sign of getting in. Beside it at the very base was a skeleton dressed in what looked like faded red jacket thrown over an equally faded red robe. Lup eyed the ridiculous outfit with fondness and grabbed the oversized and beautifully tacky red hat that perched on top of the skull. As she stood to her full wizardly height, now two feet taller with the hat, she caught a glimpse at a note written in blood on the cave wall.

“Lup. I am so sorry. I love you. T.”

Lup grabbed her umbra staff unconsciously and felt her heart sink into her stomach, but the hat on her head warmed slightly and filled her heart with an emotion so powerful she almost cried with joy. She turned just in time to see Hecuba with a bloody hand being drawn back away from the vault door, which opened to reveal an empty cave with the charred body of a dwarvin figure, his arm raised and a glove still on his hand. 

Killian spoke, warned them of the dangers of the glove, but Lup was drawn towards it, almost entranced. She heard the commotion of what sounded like someone had fought the crossbow away from Killian. She stared in awe and slight guilt at this glove, which spoke to her softly.

“Creator,” It beckoned. “You have returned to use me.”

As Lup struggled to understand the gauntlet, she heard the sounds of her companions who yelled at her not to touch it. She reached her hand out anyways, but grabbed the glove and shoved it into her bag rather than put it on. Something about it made her head spin in the exact same way her head spun when she tried to think about Kravitz too long. Lup turned to look at every; Julia with her mouth opened, Hecuba with her eyebrow quirked in confusion, Killian in awe, and Kravitz with a look of… Pride? Relief? 

“Well,” Killian broke the silence. “Guess we should get you four to the base now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jesus okay. So! I didn't do a great job proof reading this since it's already a day late and I really just wanna get this out before I get too frustrated to finish it. Why can Kravitz hear the static? Why does he know about the relics and certain information, but has forgotten everything else? Because Captain Davenport may be smart, but he is not as smart as Lucretia is. He left some things unedited when he fed the books to the Voidfish. Also, only the IPRE is swapped out with other characters, so people like Killian and Angus will still be the same. Last, but not least, I know this is not at all how things went with the Tres Horny Boys! But for plot reasons I am taking some artistic liberties and editing things.   
> Thanks for reading! Kudos, bookmarks, subscriptions, comments, etc. are all greatly appreciated!


End file.
